Hello? Hello? Are you still there?

My goodness, I forgot this little blog existed. And now, more than a year has passed and all my sexy adventures and naive diatribes have gone undocumented.

Let's see....Nutshell, SF 07-08:
No Job.
Job.
Guy. Good.
Guy. Gone.
New Job.
Guys. Good.
Guy. Gone
Good guy. Gone, but we're still good.
Job. OK.
Job. Gone.
No Job. OK.
Gone. Good.
Campaign. Great!
Back. Good.
Here. Eh.
Next? Please.
Life. Happening.

And then there was one. One week until 2009.

I was bitching to Leah the other day about how excited I am to see '08 in the rear view, and optimistic about '09 for the simple reason that it is taxonomically different, and therefore better.

"So," she asks, "is it that you're hoping things will just get better, or that you want do do things differently?"

Ouch. I'm pretty sure she hadn't meant to smack me, but I sat struck, nonetheless. It's easy to feel helpless about my life lately, but the cliched truth is, I am in charge of how I perceive the reality of now. I do want do do things differently, and strangely enough, that starts with actively hoping things will get better. That I will be better. Not gonna lie, I think I'm pretty cool now, but I know I've the potential to be much more.
Me. How easy it is to forget that I control what he believes.

2009:I want to look at people the way a certain platonic person looks at me, and I know he's actually listening to everything I'm saying. I want to smile more at people on the street-really smile, like, "so genuine it will change their day" smile. I want the bliss of sore limbs from a long day of play. I want to feel less like the world owes me something and more like I have overflowing amounts to give the world. I want to tell you about the great job I have, the one I love and am well compensated for. I want to tell my mom that I'm in love, and I can't wait for her to meet him. I'd like to get more hugs, and let people know I need more hugs. I want to feed someone a delicious meal.

And how, you ask, is '08 rounding out? Laid off. Check. Economic crisis. Check. Unemployment payments. Sometimes a check, sometimes no check.
Things are lookin'up though, right? I got another mental tidbit from Shawn in addition to Leah's unintended gut check:
You can't fall off of the floor.
I guess I'll just wait here for the wax to dry.